I always looked forward to summer: as a child, as a teacher, and even as a mother.  The thought of sleeping later in the morning and staying up later in the evening delighted my soul.   My children loved relaxing with a good book or playing in the pool with friends.

It seemed like we always had extra kids around the house during the summer, and after a few weeks, it became obvious to me that some of my children’s friends were more enjoyable than others. Those were the ones I encouraged my children to invite over because they were genuinely pleasant to be around and they weren’t afraid to use their manners.

Reflecting back on that season of my life, I have to ask myself, “What were some of the things those children did to make them enjoyable to be around?”

Here are my “Top 10 Summertime Rules for Being a Good Guest.”

1.    If you are invited over to someone’s home, remember the invitation is for you, not for uninvited guests.  If you must bring someone else, get permission before you just show up.

2.    Arrive promptly at the invited time and don’t overstay your welcome.  Families are busy, even in the summer, and you don’t want to be in the way of things they need to do.

3.    Just because you are a guest does not mean you expect to be waited on.  Clean up your messes and offer to assist with snacks, meals, or clean-up.

4.    If by chance you should break something, let the parent know and do your best to replace it.  Don’t hide things because mothers have a way of always finding out what really happened.

5.    Always show consideration and politeness to members of the family.   Get along with all the family members, even your friend’s ‘testy’ teenager brother or the annoying little sister.

6.    Try your best to arrange your own transportation to and from the home you are visiting.  Mothers generally don’t mind chaperoning kids around, but sometimes they appreciate a break.

7.    Follow the family’s rules even if you think they are pretty dumb.  Your mother may not mind wet towels and swimming suits on the bathroom floor, but your friend’s mother might.  Most families have rules about where to eat, where to put dirty dishes, where to wear shoes, and where to put your feet, etc.  Be observant and follow suit.

8.    Watch your language.  Don’t let offensive or swear words slip!  Also, keep your ‘inside voice’ acceptable so you don’t disturb others.

9.    Visit with your friend; don’t talk on your cell phone or spend time texting other people.  You are a guest, so spend time talking, laughing, sharing, and getting to know one another even better.

10.    Don’t ask the parent to do things that you know your parent would not approve.  If your parents won’t let you go out at night to spread toilet paper all over a neighbor’s home, don’t ask your friend’s parent to take you.  Parents need and want to trust other parents, and you shouldn’t put them in a compromising situation.

Have a great summer!

As a parent, I always hoped and prayed my children would behave when we went out in public.  Our lifestyle at home was much more relaxed, but I expected them to be on their best behavior at restaurants, church, or “get-togethers” with friends and family.   I probably could have saved myself some headaches had I adopted a different philosophy and taught  my children that their family deserved to see their best behavior.

In 1834, Eliza Farrar wrote in The Young Ladies Friend, “Would it not be more refined and honest to live a little better every day and make less a parade before company?” As a grandmother and teacher of young adults, I think Ms. Farrar was right.  One of our goals as parents is for good manners to become habits for our children.  If we expect our children to chew with their mouths closed at a restaurant but not at home, they probably won’t chew properly either at home or the restaurant!  Having different rules of behavior can be confusing for children and not very practical in the long run.  Children must practice, practice, practice, and the home is the best place to master skills in a safe loving, environment make civility to norm, not the exception.

So, how can we encourage children to make home a nice place to be?  The following are a few suggestions.

•    Always display respect for your parents and to those in authority.
•    Make it a habit to pay compliments to each member of your family.
•    Each week, do something special for a member of your family.
•    When there is a need, quickly offer your services as a volunteer.
•    Always practice good table manners.
•    Be aware of the noise you make.  Never disturb others nearby.  Always open and close doors softly.
•    When you walk up or down stairs, do it as quietly as possible.
•    Before entering someone’s room, always knock or ask permission.
•    When using the telephone, TV, or computer, always be considerate of others.  These items are to be shared.
•    Don’t wait to be asked to clean your room.  Make it a lifelong habit.
•    When parents ask you to help with household responsibilities, do it cheerfully and perform the task well.
•    When someone you love has received good news, or bad news—write the person a personal note.

It might be fun to type the above list and post it on the refrigerator.  Catch your child practicing one of behaviors and compliment them.  There’s no place like home to have a good attitude, respect, and consideration for others.

Did you know that before he began his presidency, John F. Kennedy commissioned an entire study to determine the most effective handshake?  Kennedy knew he would be shaking hands with the most powerful men and women in the world, and he wanted his handshake to be more than a sign of useless formality, but as an indication of his depth of character, trustworthiness, and strength.

We should all make an effort to do the same, not just with ourselves, but with our children as well.  When we shake hands, we are doing more than just saying, “Hello.”  We convey our confidence, and our handshake communicates the message, “This is who I am.”

JFK’s study found that the most effective handshake was a “double handshake” where the left hand is placed under the right hand to “cup” the clasped hands.  This apparently lends a feeling of enthusiasm, trust, and friendship to the handshake.  Today, our president, Barak Obama, often uses his left hand to grasp the upper arm of the person he is greeting to communicate his feelings of trustworthiness.

So what makes up the perfect handshake?  Here are a few tips to follow and teach your children.

1.    Look the person in the eyes.  Eye contact can be very difficult for shy children because they often lack confidence, but it is almost as important as the handshake itself.
2.    Use a firm grip.  This shows confidence, strength, and enthusiasm in the other person. Hands should be clasped so that the bases of the thumbs meet.  Grasping fingers can be painful.  There should be firm pressure, but not a tight grasp.  A limp handshake is a sign of weakness.   However, don’t go overboard and grip too hard or you will communicate a feeling of dominance.
3.    Don’t be too hasty.  Though the handshake should be held for only about two or three seconds, make sure you hold on long enough to show the person that you are interested in them.
4.    Smile, Speak, and Shake.  Introduce yourself, and remember to say the other person’s name when shaking hands.  When you smile and call them by name, you are communicating that they are so important to you that you remembered their name.
5.    Always stand when shaking someone’s hand.  Use good posture and lean slightly forward, remembering not to invade their personal space.
6.    At a social function, if you have been holding a cold drink, wipe your hand on your clothing and apologize:  “Sorry for my cold (or wet) hand.”  Better yet, hold your drink with your left hand.

Practice makes perfect, so start practicing with your children in fun ‘role-play’ situations.  Your child’s confidence will grow, he’ll learn to offer a warm, friendly, sincere handshake, and more importantly communicate, “This is who I am.”

As a young schoolboy in Virginia, George Washington took the first steps toward greatness by copying a list of 110 ‘Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation.’  A century prior, Jesuit priests compiled the list of precepts for young gentlemen, and the maxims were one of the earliest and most powerful forces to shape America’s first president.

Most of the rules concerned etiquette topics such as how to dress, walk, and eat in public places and how to address one’s superiors.  In the introduction to the newly published Rules of Civility: The 110 Precepts That Guided our First President in War and Peace, editor Richard Brookhiser states, “The rules address moral issues, but they address them indirectly.  They seek to form the inner man (or boy) by shaping the outer.”

So, what were the 110 precepts that guided our first president in war and peace, and more importantly, are they still applicable in our day and age?  Here are just a few, so you can decide.

•    Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.
•    In the presence of others, sing not to yourself with a humming voice, or drum with your fingers or feet.
•    If you cough, sneeze, sigh or yawn, do it not loud but privately, and speak not in your yawning, but put your handkerchief or hand before your face and turn aside.
•    When you sit down, keep your feet firm and even, without putting one on the other or crossing them.
•    Do not gnaw your nails.  Keep them clean and short, also your hands and teeth clean, yet without showing any great concern for them.
•    Do not laugh too loud or too much at any public spectacle.
•    If any one comes to speak to you while you are sitting, stand up.
•    Use no reproachful language against any one; neither curse nor revile.
•    Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation, for ‘tis better to be alone than in bad company.
•    Reprehend not the imperfections of others, for that belongs to parents, masters, and superiors.
•    Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others and ask not how they came.  What you may speak in secret to your friend, deliver not before others.
•    Think before you speak, pronounce not imperfectly, nor bring out your words too hastily, but orderly and distinctly.
•    While you are talking, point not with your finger at him of whom you discourse, nor approach too near to him to whom you talk, especially to his face.
•    Be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth.
•    Speak not evil of the absent, for it is unjust.
•    Drink not nor talk with your mouth full; neither gaze about you while you are drinking.
•    Cleanse not your teeth with the tablecloth, napkin, fork or knife, but if others do it, let it be done with a toothpick.
•    Be not angry at table whatever happens, but put on a cheerful countenance especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one dish of meat a feast.
•    Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.

So, the next time your children choose to act ill mannerly, remind them that just as the rules helped shape George Washington’s strong sense of self-discipline, they can do the same for modern children.  Who knows, your child may grow up to be our president!